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Muttville Daily Barker | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
"The same newspaper you enjoyed when you were a puppy." | Growlume I, Number I | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Topping the News: | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
CRIME: Closing An Open Door on Crime? Police have turned up what they call "interesting" new leads in the decade old unsolved case of "Who Let the Dogs Out"? After pursuing hundreds of leads all to no avail, police have questioned new witnesses and re-examined old evidence and think there may be a break in the case soon. Initial thought was that the "Big Dog" gang was involved. Police soon ruled that out when they realized that they weren't smart enough to pull off such a caper. CSI Muttville then dusted the area for pawprints thinking it was an inside job or possibly a pure bred seeking some sort of jealous revenge because of Muttville's new-found prominence. New techniques in forensic investigation have eliminated those possibilities. Instead, an inside source in the police department, says that a new suspect has been identified. The suspect, who he called "Timmy", is believed to have been a visitor at the house from which the dogs were let out at the time of the of the incident. The Daily Barker has been unable to confirm the identity of the suspect at this time, but he is believed to be an eleven year old boy who is a friend of the children living at the residence. The Barker will continue sniff out leads and report any new information as it breaks. | FASHION: Muttville, USA Apparel Company announces new line of t-shirts. The theme for this seasons line is "Man's Best (Fashion) Trend". High fashion Supermuttel Diggy has been signed on as the exclusive face of the new Muttville Apparel line. Terms of the contract have not been disclosed, but it is believed to be worth millions of bisquits. Diggy's past credits include Disc Sports Illustrated Dog Paddle suit edition. The English Setter/Springer mix designer Muttzart, is excited about the new line as well as the signing of Diggy. Says Muttzart, "It's the perfect fusion of clothes line and canine. This line of shirts is not designed with owners of high breeding in mind. Nonetheless, it is designed for the chewsy mutt owner". IPO (Initial Puppy Offering) includes four fresh designs that can be seen and ordered here. They are ever doggedly working on new designs, so be sure to visit the site frequently. For your safety and security when ordering, you can use your existing PayPal account or easily create one in a matter of minutes. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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LEISURE: Every dog has it's day. Researchers from MUT, Muttchewsit University of Technology have received a $3,000,000 Federal grant to research this age-old theory. They say that the research should last about two years. Says one professor working on the team, "we think the day is Thursday, but it may take more time and more grant money in order to determine the exact day definitively". Past research has indicated that every dog may in fact, have it's week or in the case of some dogs, at least it's weekend. The MUT team disagree with this theory and hope to put it to rest as well. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
AROUND TOWN: Newly Painted Fire Hydrants Come at Last The town council has decided on a corporate sponsor for much needed repainting of the villages's fire hydrants. Target Stores has paid an undisclosed amount and part of the agreement is that their logo appears on each of the freshly painted hydrants. Target out bid Ford, Chevy and Mopar for the privilege. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
BUSINESS: Moonbark's Expanding to Muttville Moonbark's Corporation announced that it plans to expand it's operations to Muttville . Often criticized or even made fun of for opening too many outlets, Moonbark's spokesmutt said, "We don't plan to over-saturate the market. It's not like we're going to open multiple stores on the same block. That would be ridiculous! We only plan to open one store per block." She continued, "We're very excited about the whole idea of opening up in Muttville, USA. We've considered it such a special ocassion that we will be introducing a new product line inspired by and exclusively for the Muttville market. Without giving away any surprises, we've named the new line ' Kennel Coffee'. It will be introduced at the grand opening of the new stores and is guarantied to leave you barking at the moon." They will be hiring and training several hundred barkristas to work in their new stores. All applicants must have stud collars, nose rings and a minimum of nine ear piercings. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
FINANCE: More bad news on the economic front. If you're looking to buy that doggie in the window, it's going to cost you a bit more according to SRC (Silly Research Corporation) of Muttville. The cost of that doggie is quickly catching up to the cost of the twelve days of Christmas, which is now almost $80,000 for all 364 items. All-in-all, you may pay upwards of $17,000 for the average doggie in the window. Not only the increased cost of the doggie itself, but if you want extras, that's going to cost you even more. For instance, if you specifically request the one with the "waggley tail", it could be as much as another $4,500. | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
MOCK MARKET: BowWow Bones Industrials | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Flying Discs are UP | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Command is DOWN Boy | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Shorthair Pointers are STATIONARY | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
Results of last weeks poll question: Who are your favorite humans? Charles Barkley & Joe Cocker | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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